4:41am
Soooo yeah,
What a day. I spent it with Geoff. We went to the tattoo convention in Chicago which was awesome. We got back to Elgin around 1:40am. I guess his parents were away at some party so I stayed over for a while. We were watching some show and something happened and he started kissing me. I could be crazy but I seem to remember him being a better kisser 11 years ago. Either that or I just must not have those feelings for him anymore. I feel so comfortable with him and we’re so good on so many levels. But I’m just gonna be honest with him and tell him I didn’t have those feelings for him. I mean I don’t have the same feelings for Ryan as I do (did) Brian but my heart and other parts have feelings for him. I’m gonna let Geoff approach the subject and if he says something I’ll just tell him that I didn’t feel anything more than friendship in those kisses. Plus… I miss Ryan. I never thought I would be writing about him in practically the same way Chelsea has, but that’s just what is happening. I want to see what this visit brings--either just friendship or maybe more. I don’t think I will tell him what happened tonight… even though I know he’s been bad--that was before any of this stuff came up. I didn’t even think we would continue to talk the way we have been. I think what I really need to do is chill on the whole boy front anyways. Truthfully…. this is how I feel as of this point in time: Geoff: he will always be my best guy friend. At one point in time we were meant to be, and I don’t know if it’s because of Ryan, but I don’t have those feelings for him. He does cheer me up and we do have so much fun together, but in public, I am always the one grabbing onto him. Even today, if I didn’t touch him he never touched me. I think maybe he just hasn’t had a girlfriend or female companion in a long time. But no matter what he will always be a friend. I just think there weren’t any feelings because for one I just broke up with someone and for two… it just wasn’t meant to be, romantically.
Ryan: I dunno how this one’s gonna work out. But as of right now… I am looking forward to getting to know him better and to see what being in a relationship with him would be like. I don’t want either him or Geoff to be “rebound” or “transition” guys. Sometimes I feel like I have to impress him, but he already liked me before and I need to remember that. I don’t know him like I know Geoff, but if it’s meant to be then one day I will. I don’t want this to be a serious relationship for now, just see where it goes.
Alright, I am exhausted. I know if I’m honest with Geoff he’ll understand, but I will also be sensitive.
<3,
me
5:19am
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