12:35am
Okay how can someone manage to get on my nerves when he's asleep? As I was finishing writing in my other notebook and I was trying to get comfy, Brian put his hand on my back. Which annoys me to no end because I can't get totally comfy when he's on me cuz I move and the hand goes with me and it's annoying. And THEN... I have to steal 2 pillows from him and he rolls on top of them. Fucker!
Anywho--I have officially decided to finish this notebook just from writing but I am going to be buying a notebook in the next few days so I don't have to worry about limiting my pages.
I have to say that you are really mature. Because with the way everyone just jumped down your throat these past few days, you knew that you had to process it before doing anything. Whether or not you choose to send it, I think it says pretty much everything you need to say. And so what if they write you off? That just means that you are better off. I am also relieved that you don't hold anything against me. I have had friends who just couldn't be friends cuz I had a good relationship with my parents.
Here is the thing that kills me. Instead of being bitter about everything, you continue to be the eternal optimist. You continue to have faith in people and you never give up on anyone. When you were in Ohio I think our friendship was tested big time. We fought and for a long time we didn't talk at all. But I had dreams about you and I thought about you. When you were feeling really shitty I wanted to send stuff to you but I never did because I never knew what was gonna happen to it. That last time we fought--I never wanted to stop being friends with you. It hurt me so much to leave you and I wanted to trust you but I just couldn't. Sometimes I feel so bad that I left you when you needed someone the most. And when you came back down here I knew that you needed someone. And I thought to myself that I could give up or I could do what you would do. So I put aside everything and I reached out to you and I'm really glad that I did. Since you've been down here you have been able to get past the 2 1/2 years of hell you suffered and you and I were able to trust each other again. You have really shown me that you can be trusted and you have my heart.
And that is what your parents are missing out on. For someone who has been the black sheep of her family, you are a lot stronger than most people in your situation. You don't need people in your life that cut you down. You have your own family that you've made for yourself and your parents, as well as Rory and Traci, have a harsh reality to deal with. You are going to move on from this. But everyone else is stuck. To stop treating you like crap, everyone else would have to admit their own wrongdoings. Which is the most impossible thing in the world to do. But you have the opposite problem. You are too forgiving. You take more blame on than you should.
Bottom line--you are an amazing lady. And if your own flesh and blood can't see that then fuck 'em.
So anywho, Brian and I finally made love last night after close to 2 weeks of not doing it. I never knew love could be like this. Whenever I had sex with Mike, I just wanted to clean up afterwards. But I guess it's different when you're really in love. It feels different, too.
I cannot wait to get all these projects finished. But at the same time, I don't want to give it up so fast.
<3,
me
7:19am
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Around 11am
Hello my dear,
Have you ever had a night where you've kept waking up because you think it's later than it is? That would describe my night. But in spite of that I ended up having a really cool dream. I dreamed that my parents were giving away a whole shitload of furniture that my grandparents had given us. So I was determined to get my furniture back. So I climbed onto the back of the truck to get my favorite chair. I got it out of the truck and I was so happy. Then I asked mom where we got it from and she said, "the neighbors." I was like, "WTF I just wasted all that time getting a chair that wasn't even my grandparents?!?"
That was the only dream I remember but I had to write it down. Ugh it's 11:14am. I want to get something from Dunkin Donuts so I need to leave a little early today. UGH I DUN WANNA GO TO WORK TODAY! I have had enough of stupid people. I really have. I cannot stand people coming up to my window pissing me off because they don't know what they're talking about.
Saturday night this guy came to my window and asked for Charleston $1 to win on 2,7, and 8. Well, you can get $1 exacta and trifecta but not $1 to win there. Is this MY responsibility? No. So he gives me this ATTITUDE. And then he gives me a ticket with $5.60. And he says nothing to me so I hand him the $5 and he's like, "and then I want $5 to win" on whatever he wanted. What the fuck is wrong with people? ESPECIALLY... black people. They treat me like I'm the one who put his people into slavery. Do they even have slaves anymore?
And on THAT note, I gotta get ready for work.
<3 you!
11:26am
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