2:30am
Hey hun,
I took some time and I thought a lot about everything. I want you to know that I value your opinion and i know you have my best interest at heart. The last thing you want is to see me hurt. I have been really hurt by alcohol abuse. My mom lived with my dad's alcohol problem for 20 years. He never hit me or my mom and he only drank every night by himself, but he wasn't a very nice person at times. He wasn't just an alcoholic at nights. And I was so proud of him when he decided to stop. I don't know why Brian decided to drink again. But I will promise myself this. I will love him wholeheartedly for as long as humanly possible. But if he ever decides to go over the limit and we get into it and I get my heart broken... it is over. No excuses, no nothin'. I'm not going to threaten him until it becomes a full-blown issue. I am choosing not to make any rash decisions right now. But when I've had enough, I will know it in my heart.
But if anything BIG happens, you will be the first one to know.
Anywho, I need to get to sleep. Surprise surprise Brian hasn't been in here at all since I got home. Oh wait I lied he JUST came in. Fucker.
I dunno if I want to start my projects in here or if I want to wait for the next book. Hmmm. I need to finish writing everything first.
<3,
me
2:45am
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12:04pm
So, Ana is over and I guess she and Nathan are deaf because they have the TV on LOUD. I can't even hear my own TV. Ack whatever. So, I had a talk with Brian last night. It went okay I guess. He said that part of the reason why he gets mad is my attitude towards him when he drinks. I just shot that one down. I had no problem with his drinking until he got shit faced. I dunno I mean that seems like a lame excuse. Whenever he would have another party I'd be like, "hello--here we go again." Ugh it's so loud I can't fucking concentrate. But I don't want to go in there for fear of what I might see. Why can't they just leave? Well, Ana. I did like her until she pulled all that shit. Now I don't trust her worth a damn.
Alright I took care of it. At least for now. I had this really weird dream last night... but I can't really remember it. I do remember a house but that was it.
Alright sweets I am gone for now. Love you!
<3,
Rita
12:30pm
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After 4:30pm
hey hun,
Man I am so hungry. Brian went to the Wellington Mall with Nathan and Ana a few hours ago. I don't want to get food if he's gonna be coming home soon but if he doesn't get here soon I'm gonna have to get something to eat. So anywho, I finished more of the notebook stuff. I think what I'm gonna end up doing is writing this one out and I'm going to buy a new one for the projects. Yay they're home! I hope he is gonna bring me food.
So, here's the deal. I don't HATE Ana. I'm happy that Nathan is happy. They just make me uncomfy when they're all over each other it's disgusting. Ugh my head is killing me. I NEED FOOD!
<3 ya!
Rita
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