11:53pm
Okay, do I have a stamp on my forehead that says “I’m happy please annoy me?” I am HAPPY! And I am going to see the man that I care about in like 10 days so all these other guys can shove it up their butts. Ack. And I guess Ryan thinks I hooked up with Geoff… which sort of DID happen but it was weird so I don’t want to even mention it. What the fuck…. ppl need to just leave me alone. Anyways… wheeeeeeee! In a week and a half I will be in FL. I can’t f--ing wait.
12:08am
December 2nd, 2008
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6:40pm
Damn it all to hell. I give up--I really fucking do. Mike (my ex) creeped me out so bad I had a really weird dream and I said good morning to Ryan like I usually do and he said I was up early so I told him I had a weird night and that must have contributed to my bad dream and I told him that I talked to someone I probably shouldn’t have and I haven’t heard from him for the rest of the day. I don’t tell him about these things to upset him I just think trust is important. I think when we finally see each other it will be 100 times better because we'll be together. Man… I need to clean up my room. When I get my paycheck cashed (I have to give my mom the other one also) I am going to buy everything I need for the trip and maybe clean up a bit.
Anyways… my fear is that he thinks I am too much drama. Yes, people like to annoy me but that doesn’t mean I would put myself in a bad situation. First off I am not that way and second off I don’t want to fuck things up. I have decided not to worry about Chelsea. She already has another best friend so Erin can deal with her and boss her around to her heart’s content. Out of all Chelsea’s friends, I believe I am one of the only ones who actually allowed her to be herself. It kinda hurts that she chose someone who she can’t stand most of the time but she would call the homeless man down the street her best friend if she could. I don’t think she knows what a best friend is. Or just a friend for that matter. But I refuse to feel guilty for liking somebody that she just simply could never get over.
Dear God,
thank you so much for answering my prayers and for allowing me to trust in you. When I don’t know where to go or which instinct to follow, I just give everything to you and you show me the way to go. Tonight I am concerned about Ryan. I dunno what exactly is wrong but I just want everything to be okay. Yes there are people on the outside of my life who creep up every once in a while but that doesn’t mean that they succeed. I hope he can find it in his heart to trust me even just a little bit. I still want to see him and I really hope that he feels the same. I am going to let it lay and try not to surprise him anymore with people that are toxic in my life. I just want him to know that I don’t want to hurt him… if somebody can just get that idea into his head that would be great. Also, please be with Chelsea. She needs some faith. She needs a push in the right direction. But mostly, she needs some truly positive people in her life. Please just make sure that happens for her.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen
Man, I don’t really know what is going on with Ryan. But hopefully someday soon I will find that out.
Love,
me
7:08pm
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