9-30-10

9-30-10
1:22pm

I’m watching “If You Really Knew Me” on Hulu.  I’m on the 4th episode.  I’m going to finish watching this ep and then watch DOOL online while I do more of the poems.  I hope you like them.  Some of them you might have read in PTG.  I keep sneezing lol.  Blah.  I should do more today.  I feel like I should be working on my room or calling places and being productive.  I just don’t know what else to do though.  I don’t know.  i’m in a weird place today.  On the 4th episode of this show, I was able to really identify with this kid. He’s a “jock” and he was talking about how he feels like life keeps knocking him down and every time he gets up, it’s like something else is there to knock him down again.  I was like Hey!  Hey!  I know that feeling like I know my own name.  Speaking of names his was Carson.  If I ever have a son, I want to name him Carson cause of that kid.  I know that sounds weird but I don’t know I feel like it’s a reflection of me in a way.  This other kid reminded me so much of David’s brother Jack, because he was such a clown but wow was that kid hurting!  I know Jack was too.  I tried to be the change in his life but maybe I should’ve tried harder.  It was just very hard to do that with so much shit going on.  I don’t think David and I ever had a chance.  Oh well.  Here’s to looking to the future.  Right?  Grrrr.  I am trying to watch DOOL and it keeps buffering. I hate that crap.  I should just say fuck it and go back to Hulu and watch “If you really knew me.” Agh it’s out of the control!  And if I pause it, it won’t load--it just stops.  I’m going to try and pause one more time and if it doesn’t work, I’m quitting.  While it’s paused, I’m going to tell you about my dream.  I should just type it out and interpret it but I’m not in a dream interpretation mood sorry!  So, anyway, it was Halloween and Erin and I decided to dress up alike.  Except she kept telling me what I could and couldn’t wear even though I wanted to be a little different.  We wore a little red corset and I wanted to wear fishnets but she said I had to wear regular tights like her.  I wanted to wear fairy wings and I had two sets.  One was purple and one was black.  Erin told me I couldn’t wear the wings either because it would cover up the back of my pretty corset.  So anyway, later in my dream I realized I’d worn the black fishnets anyway (Grrr Days just started over completely nvm this back to if you really knew me).  So, Erin and i went into this big building and I was telling her how happy I was to be friends with both of you again.  Then I told her you were probably going to be mad at me.  That was then the end of that conversation.  So then Will (Kristin’s boyfriend) and Philip (Kristin’s sort-of ex) joined Erin and I.  Will took Erin and Philip went with me.  We were dating but not allowed to have sex (it was like a challenge for Erin and I and it was called a sexual moratorium).  So Philip and I went into this big room that was all set up for a game show like “singled out” and I was joking around about being on it.  Philip said no though so then I noticed that the Family Guy logo was on some equipment so I thought it was a game show for Family Guy.  Then the game started and there was two sets of twins one older like middle aged and one younger.  And part of the game was called something like sidetrack and the kid twins were talking about sex and I was horrified.  Very strange dream all in all.  Anyway, so my dad got home early and some boxes were leaking in our POD so we went through it and it was like all my mom’s essential oils and stuff.  It smelled so good.  I hope she lets me keep it so I can turn one room into my facial room when I’m done with my bedroom.  I could use all of it really.  Anyway, so my dad and I are about to leave after our lawn man does.  We’re going to go to radio shack to see if we can get a number for Casio to fix my camera, Target to look at knives (his broke so we want a number for the company to see if they warranty knives).  Then we’re going to Walmart to see if they’ll do my new lenses for cheaper than Lenscrafters.  Then we’re getting scallops for dinner.  So today might be somewhat productive after all!  I feel much better about things than I did yesterday!  I will let you know how things went.

<3,
Star