Mornin’ er… afternoon? Idk. Um, so I forgot to tell you about this guy from TAM that I’ve been flirting with. His name is Justin and oh em gee. That man is fine. He is such a good writer. And sweet, sweet, sweet as the day is long. He’s a deputy in Las Vegas! Why can’t he live here? And why does he have to be 5 years younger than me? Last night I sort of lead the room into an erotic direction and Justin had me melting. It kinda brings me back to high school in a way. And giddy. Lol sigh. Eep. You really should have seen this guy’s poetry. I was a puddle in his hands. Lmao. So you know who I miss? Dustin. The guy I met in the same chat room as I met you! I wish I knew his last name so I could look him up. There was really something about that guy, you know? I’ve always really missed him. He was from Binghamton, NY and he had the sexiest voice. he always made me smile and he was against Oscar and David from Day 1. So yeah, I really miss Dustin at times. Bah, today I’m in a sour, irritated mood. So far, The Watershed has turned me down. I also just called TMS Health and left a message with the receptionist there. I know it’s tough to find a job right now so I’m trying not to take things personally. I just want out of Sears so bad.
Ah! Ims and texts are driving me bananas! I want to be in like, this bubble today for some reason. I don’t know what that’s all about. I think I’m just feeling claustrophobic lately. I almost can’t wait to get my license and a car so I can just put music on and drive! Like today, I could totally just go get a Starbucks and then drive along A1A, music playing… ah that sounds so nice. I wonder what kind of car I’ll get. I want a smaller one. Like a ford focus, Honda civic, chevy malibu, volkswagen cabrio. Those are just to name some I like. Ooooh or a pontiac G6. God I love those! I’d be willing to drive a jeep (I would look amazing in a jeep). Or a car like my mom’s I guess. As long as it’s got a short front end. I have bad depth perception so I need to be able to see. Isn’t that pathetic? Dude, all my nice pens are running out of ink. I need new gel/ball point pens! Time to visit a Dr’s office lmao. Most of my nice pens did come from when I was on externship. They wrote so nice. Now? Not so much. Boo! I just want nice writing pens! Aha! here’s one that still writes niceish. Ok, I’m going to put Heaven by Nu Flavor on. It's one of my favorite songs. The first time I heard it was after 9/11. I was putting together a 9/11 book for my future kids. (I wonder where it went to!) And I was on my back porch at my puzzle table (well I used it for a stereo for when I danced outside and I also used it for crafts. It was multipurpose). And it was such a pretty day out--close to fall. I loved it. Then this song came on. I never heard it again but I’ve heard it in my head all these years and so a few weeks ago I finally looked it up and found it! It’s one of my all-time favorite songs. Ya know what? Spur of the moment idea! I’m going a do do a Top 10 list of my favorite love songs. In no particular order though because they all mean a lot to me and they’re not dedicated to anyone already. Lol. A lot of the ones I loved reminded me of one person or another. But not these! So, here we go:
1) Nu Flavor--heaven
2) Tesla--love song
3) Jon McLaughlin--so close
4) More than words--Extreme
5) Chicago--Will you still love me?
6) Reo Speedwagon--Can’t fight this feeling
7) Mariah Carey--I want to know what love is
8) Leona Lewis--can’t breathe
9) Miley Cyrus--when I look at you
10) Pink--love song
That was harder than I thought. Lol the first 3 are the main ones I guess. But I love I’ve loved them all for years now yet none of them remind me of anyone. Heaven was even smack dab in the middle of when I was all about Ryan! But it only reminds me of a pretty fall day here in South Florida when I was working on my crafts. =) I’m superstitious enough to believe that means it’s reserved for Mr Right. Hehe. I was just looking at my favorites list on YouTube and I saw “without you” by Hinder. I sadly dedicated that to myself when I was trying so hard to break free from my negative self. I know it’s weird but the lyrics still apply to this day. “without you I…” you know what? Nvm here’s the lyrics to the whole song!
Hinder--Without You
--------------------------
I just wanna be alone tonight
I just wanna take a little breather
‘Cause lately all we do is fight
And every time it cuts me deeper
‘Cause something’s changed
You’ve been acting so strange
And it’s taking its toll on me
It’s safe to say that I’m ready to let you leave
Without you, I live it up a little more every day
without you, I’m seeing myself so differently
I didn’t wanna believe it then but it all worked out in the end
when I watched you walk away, well, I never thought I’d say
I’m fine without you
Called you up ‘cause it’s been long enough
And you said that you were so much better
we have done a lot of growing up
we were never meant to be together
‘Cause something changed
you were acting so strange
and it’s taken its toll on me
it’s safe to say that I’m ready to let you leave
Without you, I live it up a little more every day
without you, I’m seeing myself so differently
I didn’t wanna believe it then but it all worked out in the end
when I watched you walk away, well, I never thought I’d say
I’m fine without you
‘Cause something changed
you were acting so strange
and it’s taken its toll on me
it’s safe to say that I’m ready to let you leave
whoa! yeah!
Without you, I live it up a little more every day
without you, I’m seeing myself so differently
I didn’t wanna believe it then but it all worked out in the end
when I watched you walk away, well, I never thought I’d say
I’m fine without you
without you!
without you!
without you!
I just wanna be alone tonight
I just wanna take a little breather
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I guess that song can also apply to Erin and David too. What an awesome goodbye song! Kellen Lutz (Emmett Cullen) does that video. Sweet! Between Robert Pattinson, Kellen Lutz, Jackson Rathbone, and Taylor Lautner, I did not have a chance in this world. I CURSE YOU TWILIGHT CASTING DIRECTORS! I CURSE YOUUUUU! *shakes fist* Oh me and my sheer and utter dorkiness. Ok, so I met another Dan from Okcupid.com just before I deleted it and we’ve been talking on Ims. Finally, we switched numbers after I made it clear I’m only interested in friendship. Now he like texts me and Ims me at the same time. WTF is that shit? Ugh. Why do I get all the crazy ones? It’s annoying! And ugh my school is going to call me every damn day. I just wanna be left alone sometimes. I mean I guess that’s God’s way of saying to stop being so fuckin’ lazy and find myself a job but still. Lol why can’t life just be magic sometimes? Lol where’s my silver platter dammit? Heh, no I’m kidding! But okay, time to make one more phone call. Love ya! Be back in a few for the new chapter!
<3,
star
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Omg! More of my fave love songs!
1) Truly, Madly, Deeply--Savage Garden
2) I know I loved you--SG
3) I swear--All 4 one
4) I can love you like that--All 4 one
5) Kiss Goodbye--Nu Flavor
6) you’re the inspiration--Chicago
7) Glory of love--Peter Cetera
8) More Than Words Can Say--Alias
9) Wake me up--Wham!
10) First Time I Ever Saw Your Face--Leona Lewis cover
I always get in a love song kick around this time of year. Usually it makes me a little sad. I think that’s ok so I won’t worry if I feel sad but right now I’m just wistful. Lmao. God today ended up sucking so much. I’m really upset that I have to get new lenses to get my permit. And those lenses will cost me $275. I know I have to take baby steps but come on. Why do I have to deal with such hurdles in between? This is ridiculous. And it’s partially why I never want to deal with anything. I’m sick of constantly struggling. I mean, I’m going to stop bitching and just deal with it like I have to. But God. I’m sorry I’m just really upset. It doesn’t help that they think I might have glaucoma. I’m going to pray that I don’t but man. I just wanted to start driving. =(. Now I’m just going to fight my ass off dammit. I’ve been through too much to let this beat me!
Night, sweet dreams.
<3,
star
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