10-1-10

10-1-10
2:23am

Happy October.  Now, I have 26 days to get this to you, so that’s like not quite 4 weeks.  I think I can do it but I’m a little worried.  Here’s an interesting story for you.  I’ve always wondered if David really cheated on me or not.  Of course he’s always denied it and I wanted to believe he wasn’t that way.  however, Jes texts me (his gf now) and she’s telling me Tiffany was sending him FB friend requests and so Jes politely asked her to stop.  So I guess Tiffany told Jes to fuck off.  Then, Jes told me that the night David hooked up w/ her (when he cheated on me) he was drinking moonshine (with my settlement money) and doesn’t know what he was thinking.  So, I just look her up and I don’t know WTF he was thinkin’ either.  It’s a damn good thing I don’t have a boyfriend right now.  This is hard to process still.  And I wouldn’t want a guy in my life being upset because ok--I still hurt over it even now.  Not because I just love David so much, ya know?  The thing is though, I did love him and I did give him my all--state of mental health included--and he cheats on me.  It makes a girl wonder, that’s all.  I’m not going to make a big drama out of it.  It was 2 years ago and I’m just over him.  The sooner I’m out of this sham of a marriage, the better.  I feel like I wasted so much of me.  Why did I get married?  It was a joke!  I should’ve married someone who deserved it.  But I can’t take it back.  I feel like I royally screwed my life up though.  ok, see what I mean about processing all this?  God knows I wasn’t ready for a new relationship yet.  If David’s cheating on me, still has that much impact on my thought and emotional process, then he saved me from potentially hurting someone else.  So, maybe it’s good Dan was so flakey.  Lmao.  Ugh, ok, enough about all that.  I’m a real fuckin’ survivor that’s for damn sure!  Haha.  Anyway, I went to a party tonight at Dan and Dave’s.  It was cause Leann finished her medical billing and coding externship!!  She got pretty drunk lmao.  We watched “Anger Management” and ate cheeseburgers.  That’s about the extent of my night.  Tomorrow, I’m gonna help fold bulletins at church, call Casio about my broken camera, and watch Billy Madison while I work on NBS and I’m going to have a damn good day dammit!  So there!  TAKE THAT, LIFE!  I’M NOT GOING DOWN!  You haven’t beat me yet you never will.  I survive, and I succeed.  And yes, I’m a real dork but whatever.  Lmao.  Who isn’t nowadays?  Nighty nighters, don’t let the bedbugs biters.  Sweet dreams, love you!

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