11:27am
I don’t know how I ended up going to sleep at 4 something am and still getting up at 10am. I thought I’d be out until 2pm! Lol oh well. I don’t feel very good today. I’m just gassy and I feel yucky. It might have something to do with going into Sears today. I don’t know. I feel like I’ll be walking into a path of fire for some reason. I mean, it’s unpleasant to work there, but today I feel really unsettled over it. It’s probably nothing. Either way, I’m going to be just fine. I hope. I’m still thinking about the phone conversation I had with David last night. He is still a lying jerk. I don’t get why he feels he has to keep lying to me. I also don’t get why he feels the need to keep making lies up, and excuses as to why he doesn’t take care of Winter. Why doesn’t he just take care of her? Then he wouldn’t have to lie or make excuses. But noooo THAT’S too simple. I don’t get why I even bother trying to get it. Lol. More after my getting ready for *whistles* 3 hours at Sears! Wow. Whoa. That’s so many hours! Ah man I love hot showers. Too bad I couldn’t get in jammies afterwards and just relax. You know what else is nice? Moisturizer on the face. It like, instantly refreshes me. So, my plan for when I’m home from work is to watch some “If You Really Knew Me” while I work on NBS (at least to finish out this section) then go online. I get so many texts and IMs and I’m trying to do things online and do all this stuff--and then my dad wants to talk and just aaaahhh! So anyway, but, I do have a plan! Maybe it will work out aaaand maybe it won’t. Methinks I’ll stay on invisible tonight. This Daniel guy is always texting or calling me! No, not calling. Wtf. I meant texting or IMing. I wonder if this is how Dan felt about me. I wish he’d have just said he wasn’t interested. It’s so much easier. For EVERYONE. I told this Daniel guy I wasn’t interested in more than friends and he was like “everything starts from somewhere.” Ugh. Men. The bane of my existence, I swear! LOl. Anyway, I better get going. Time for my long work day at the end of my long work week. Lmao. One day, that will not be a joke. Lol. Remind me to be thankful when I cry about how tired I am!
<3,
star
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
7:49pm
I just got home and I’m going to eat dinner now, which is a healthy choice meal of pineapple chicken. My dad won’t eat because he’s pissed off. Not at me, at the world. We’ve been without TV for a week because he cancelled Dish Network and he’s fighting with them. It’s kind of a ridiculous situation. Omg. I’m in chocolate heaven. I’ve literally died and gone to chocolate heaven. chocolate Trinity ice cream. It would go perfect with pinot grigio. Too bad I don’t have any. Alright I’m going to complain a little about work. Lol I’m happy to have more hours but going in from 1-8 still sucks. Oh well. I’ll get through it. And oh by the way, nothing bad happened at work. We have a new operations manager named Dwight. Also one of my favorite Mca’s got a manager position I think? I’ll have to find out for sure. I kind of flirted with the tools manager, Patrick. Er, he flirted with me. er something? It’s been happening more lately it seems. I don’t know. No, don’t worry though. I won’t be stupid. But he’s not married and he’s my age or just a few months younger anyway. But whatever. He’s a manager and I’m not going after him--even if he wasn’t a manager. Alright that’s enough of that. Now It’s buggin’ me that I don’t know if I told you about a zoosk guy I met named Jason. I think I did but I don’t know! He messaged me his number and I was like “ok, why not?” so we messaged a lot and talked about going on dates and everything. He was pretty hott and stuff. But then like, the night we were supposed to hang out, he found out I didn’t plan on sleeping over. I was like, “well I told you I’m not sleeping with you.” so he was like, “Oh no I just want to cuddle!” Lmao, yeah ok. So later he tried to get out of meeting me by saying he had a family emergency or something like his mom had a stroke and could we meet the next day. I was like something seems fishy to me. And he got all pissed off. So I went anyway cause I felt guilty. And it seemed like we’d be ok, but then he never spoke to me again. Lol! So after a lot of thinking about it, I decided I was right about him. You know, I really like how I don’t have sex with men I don’t want to have sex with anymore. I used to have a problem saying no, but nope. Not anymore. I mean I still make dumb decisions w/ sex sometimes but usually it’s something I want. I do think I need an STD check though because I’m worried that between Tyler (the 2nd guy I slept with), Grant, David and Kosta (he’s a one nighter I had in August)--I just have that fear. So yea I’m going to check myself ASAP. Please pray that I’m 100% disease free. Ok, Enrique Iglesias and Nicole Sherzinger--heartbeat is not only a fucking fantastic song but the video is amazing. I just finished season 1 episode 5 of “if you really knew me” and so far it’s my favorite. I think it just really got down to the root of things. I mean they typically do. I guess, but I think something deeper happened on this episode. You made me an “if you really knew me” monster! Lol. I was thinking of when Winter is that age. Will she be someone who puts others down or will she be kind and sweet to everyone? Will others put her down, or will she be treated well? I imagine challenge day coming to her school years from now and I’m like, “hmmm… what would she speak about?” how her mom neglected and kidnapped her? I don’t know if she remembers any of that--or even feels that about the situation. I think that David in the end is the one who hurt her most. I don’t know. I bet that I wouldn’t be surprised at most of what she’d say, and some things I probably would. At the end of the day though, I hope she knows *I* love her no matter what and I will always be there for her. <3. She’s my ray of sunshine, and my angel and I think this week I will send her a card! Yea, to me that’s a fantastic idea! Hmmm! So ok, I want to make out a Christmas list and start getting that organized so I can buy one gift for my people when I get paid. Like, first it will be my dad, then mom, and so forth. Here’s who I am shopping for and what I want to get them:
Mom--I don’t know yet
dad--pots and pans/choc covered cherries
Rory--I don’t know yet
Riley--model airplane to build
Reegan--dollhouse stuff, a doll
Winter--whatever she tells me, build-a-bear
you--I’m not telling! :p
My dad always gets chocolate covered cherries from me. Lol. It’s tradition I started in recent years. But he really needs pots and pans so! I might get him a griddle too. There’s so much he wants, lol. I hope I have a good job by then. As for me, I don’t know what I want really. Just money? No, I want that for my b-day lol. I want the usual. Clothes, movies, makeup. Maybe a vanity for my room, a car provided I have my license. Lol! Gosh, this year just flew by. I can’t believe it. Oh shit, I just got another notebook idea! So like we should do a NEW BEGINNINGS one. Like “here’s what I want to have happen this year” etc etc. I don’t know, let’s build off that one. Haha. I hope I’m divorced by 2011. Or at least sometime in the beginning of it. I’m beginning to feel like a new person already but I just know that if I’m driving and I have a better job, and I’m divorced, it’s going to do wonders for me. I think I just need to hold onto that hope to be honest with you, and keep working toward it. Whew. I don’t know what else to write about. Oh! Vinny! God, why is it always a man I have to tell you about? Ugh ok, so Vinny like lives down the street and I don’t know how old he is. 35? 40? I don’t know. And he’s obviously from New York. But I am so damn attracted to him I can barely stand it. There that is all. Lol. More later.
<3,
star
No comments:
Post a Comment