8-20-2010

8-20-2010 9:29am
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On the road again.  We were in Iva, South Carolina with Renee and her husband Carroll.  That was nice.  We went to a place called Fatz Cafe for dinner.  I didn’t really like it that much but it was nice of Renee to take us. I was talking to her about my issues with Rory and my mom (Omg my dad just saw a dead deer on the road.  So glad I missed it.  :(.).  Anyway, Renee is already mad at my mom for leaving my dad in the position he’s in.  I also found out that when my dad was in the hospital with lung cancer, my mom apparently didn’t stay there?  I don’t know though because I was only four years old, but I remember going like every day to Miami with my mom.  On the days I didn’t go, I was at a friend’s house.  Usually it was Bonnie Harris (Tyron’s mom) but sometimes it was the Millers.  Anyway, I imagine it’s pretty hard to have 2 kids (4 and 6!) and a husband in the hospital with lung cancer.  For that, I actually admire her for dealing with all that.  I don’t know, maybe there are things she did then that would upset me but it’s nice to admire her for something, you know?  I think Renee might still be holding onto the anger of her mom and our dad divorcing.  Who knows?  She’s also mad/hurt cause she and my mom used to talk for hours about everything but then one day… my mom just stopped calling her. I don’t know what goes through my mom’s head sometimes!

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8-20-10 12:08pm

Okay, I think I’ve had enough peanuts!  I don’t think it’s helping with the coughing at all so yea.  So, a few days ago I messaged that Dan guy.  I guess my heart wasn’t ready to give up on him yet and my gut, which I am learning to listen to, says to go for Dan.  It’s worth a shot, so I guess this is where my patience comes in.

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10:45pm
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I’m so irritated.  I’ve been doing my best to keep this notebook nice.  But no, a page somehow gets ripped halfway out, this one gets crumpled… ugh.  The TV is suddenly not working and my mother won’t let me charge my MP3 player. Noooo the computer HAS to be off.  I’m like, all I need is to charge the fuckin’ MP3 player.  If the computer light bothers you just turn the screen off.  Nope shuts the whole thing down so now I can’t listen to my music on the way home.  All night I’ve tried to make conversation with her and she just acts like it’s such an inconvenience to be around me and act remotely interested in my life.
I’m so sick of it.  I’m sick of trying.  I’m sick of caring about getting something, anything from her emotionally.  It’s more stress than it would be if I was able to just cut her off. Blagh. Let me write about something else…
Dan!  I’m so glad he responded the way he did.  I wish he would make more of an effort but as long as he responds and says he’s interested, I guess I can be patient.  I may need your help though.  I also don’t know what to do about Andrei.  Maybe just see where it goes.
I guess I should stop writing.  I’m hot and aggravated.

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