Chapter 1

Chapter 1
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4/3/2008

She opened her eyes that morning in disbelief.  She couldn't imagine life without her best friend by her side.  Her mom got the call around one in the morning and tried to tell her but she was already asleep.  So she woke up early and told her the horrible news.  That her best friend G was dead.
She thought it was a bad dream.  But when she woke up again later that morning to the birds singing and the sun shining on her face, by the flashing light of the answering machine she knew it was true. She erased every message without listening to them.  She knew what they would all say.  "Hey Alice, I'm sorry to tell you that G is dead and he's never coming back." She didn't need to hear about everyone being sorry.  She didn't need to hear the same phrase, "If you need to talk I'm always here," over and over again by people who didn't mean it.  Everyone says that, but when it comes time for them to actually be there, they are always mysteriously busy.
She knew eventually she'd have to come downstairs to eat something.  She threw on whatever she could find to wear, threw her hair in a ponytail, and walked downstairs into the kitchen.  She could hear her parents talking and suddenly she didn't want to be in the kitchen anymore.  "Alice, are you there babe?" her mom asked.  "If you don't want to talk it's okay but at least have something to eat."  "Alright," Alice said.  When she walked into the kitchen she could see they weren't alone.  G's parents were there, sitting at the table, drinking craberry juice and just staring into space.  "Hello, Mr and Mrs M."
Mrs M ran over and gave Alice a great big hug.  She didn't let go for at least 10 minutes.  They all just sat around the table in silence for a while.  Then Alice asked the question.  "How did it happen?"  "It was a car accident.  He was coming home from work last night.  He stopped at the intersection and waited for the arrow to turn green.  He was the only one on the road except for one other car. So he went, but the person driving the other car was drunk and decided to go at the same time, crashing into G, killing him instantly.  The guy driving was not seriously injured, but since this wasn't his first incident, he got his license taken away and he's going to be in rehab for a year." Even thought this news was supposed to be comforting, it didn't matter to Alice.  She had still lost her best friend in the whole world.  She was only 15.
They were supposed to go to prom and graduate together.  He was teaching her how to drive.  He was like her big brother.  Their moms had been best friends in high school, gone to the same college, married another set of best friends, and eventually moved into houses right next to each other.  They got pregnant on the same day a year apart from each other, G being born first on May 15th, 1993.  Even since Alice was born, they were treated like brother and sister. But unlike most older brothers who would play tricks on their sisters, who would tickle torture them and fart in their faces, G was very protective of Alice.  If someone so much as looked at her wrong, he'd be there for her.  And now all that was gone.  They were both only children and there weren't that many kids living the neighborhood.  All of the grownups would watch them play together, using nature as their escape from the "real world." Mrs Channing from a couple doors down would set up picnics for them in her backyard.  Her children were already grown up, either married or moved away.  As a result, they ruled the neighborhood.  All the grownups were tight so they were always being looked after.  Growing up for Alice and G was a magical fairy land where their imaginations woud roam free.
She remembered the day he asked her to marry him. He was 11 and she was 10.  They were in her backyard playing Shrek when he pulled out a ring and got down on one knee.  "Alice Hunter, you are the most beautiful girl in the world and I want to protect you for the rest of our lives.  Will you marry me?"
At first she though he was joking.  But even though there was a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eyes, she knew that he would always be her protection.  So she said, "yes."  Looking down now she still had the ring on a chain around her neck because it was too big for her finger when he gave it to her.  She held it in her hands and sobbed.  She fell to the floor and just said, "yes, I'll marry you," over and over again.  Her parents tried to pick her up but it was no use.  They got a pillow and blanket for her, and when she finally passed out her dad picked her up and put her into bed.
He tucked her in, kissed her forehead, and turned out the light.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
When she woke up again it was still dark out.  She looked at the alarm clock next to her bed.  It was 9am.  but it was so dark out.  She pulled back the curtains and realized why it was so dark.  It was storming.  She realize then that she had school.  Why didn't her mom wake her up?  She got up to go to the bathroom and realized her mom had left her a note.  It read:
"Dear Alice,
I tried to wake you up to go to school but realized that you looked so peaceful that I didn't want to disturb you.  I called the school to let them know you weren't gonna make it.  If you need more time just let me know.  I'm at work but I'm just a phone call away.
Love you,
Mom."
She sighed and got back into bed.  She just sat there and stared out her bedroom window for what seemed like hours, just silently watching the storm. She didn't really feel like crying anymore.  Then she felt something touch her back and she looked back and screamed.  "G what the fuck are you doing here you're supposed to be dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "I know, sweet girl, but I couldn't leave without saying goodbye.  I want you to know something.  I love you.  When I asked you to marry me I meant it. But if you find someone else, as long as he treats you right, I'll be happy for you.  But my spirit is with you, Alice.  Anytime you need me just call out my name and I'll be there."
Alice just stood there dumbfounded.  She did not believe that her best friend who was dead was standing in her room, touching her hand and trying not to cry.  With a heavy heart she held his hand and said, "thank you for coming here.  I really miss you.  I love you too and no matter what you will always be in my heart."
She hugged him.  His body was so warm.  It was almost like he was real. But in an instant he was gone.  He just disappeared into a big bright light.  She twisted the ring around her finger.  In the quietness of her room she could feel him all around her. It was such a warming feeling it made her fall asleep.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
She woke up the next morning and it had hit her harder than it did the day before.  Her best friend was gone.  Her mom knocked lightly on the door.  "I'm up, I'm awake," Alice said in her raspy, not-yet-awake morning voice.  "That's good, sweetheart.  Sharon called me and told me that if you wanted to go through his room, you had first choice of anything important to you."
"Thanks, mom, but I'm too depressed to go anywhere right now."  Truth was, she couldn't bear to step foot into his room.  It would smell like him.  She would see all his secrets that she already knew, she would walk towards her favorite bean bag chair that she'd bought nearly 5 years ago that he loved to tease her about, and it would just tear her apart.
"I told Shar that you would come as soon as you were ready."
"No, mom.  It's okay.  I just want to get it over with."
"Do you need me to go over there with you?"
"yeah, actually--could you?"
"Of course.  I was hoping that you wouldn't want to do this on your own."
"yeah just let me get ready."
"okay, sweetheart."

After her mom left, Alice know that she wasn't strong enough yet.  She knew that the familiar steps from her room to his would be the hardest 47 1/2 steps to take, that they would bring her heart break.  But she felt a push, someone telling her it would be okay.  She looked at herself in the mirror.  She looked the same as she had the day before, and the day before that, but she felt like she had aged 50 years.  She threw on the Victoria's Secret track pants he had bought her for Christmas and a tank top.  She brushed her hair and put it in a braid.  She threw on some sparkles and cucumber melon body mist spray and she felt a little better.  She grabbed her purse and she went downstairs.
"Okay, mom.  I'm ready."
"I know.  Now let's get out of here before I lose my nerve."

They walked out the door hand-in-hand.  They crossed the street and walked up the driveway.  Alice turned the knob to the front door.  She opened it and they walked in.  Alice didn't know what to expect.  G's mom was running to her and hugging her.  His dad was sitting in his chair, smoking a cigar and watching an Adam Sandler movie.  "He's been watching that movie nonstop for the past 2 days now," Sharon said.  "I don't know how to get him to turn the tv off.  It was the last movie that G was watching.  He loved Adam Sandler movies."
"Awww Shar," Alice's mom said.  "Just give him some time.  He'll be okay as long as we all stick together."  Through her tears Sharon knew that her best friend was right.  She looked at her husband, then at her best friend Emalee, then Alice.  "It'll be okay," she said quietly.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The three women composed themselves and stepped into the empty room.  Alice saw the box in the middle of the bed that she and G had been working on the day before he died.  She jumped on the bed and scooped it up. It was a memory box they were putting together.  When she left that night she gave him a huge hug and told him she'd be back with some more stuff.  he smiled his beautiful smile and told her that he was gonna put a surprise in there for her.  She told him she couldn't wait, hugged him again, gave him a kiss on the cheek, got her stuff and left.  She came home that night exhausted from all the work they had done, but she wanted to get a head start on what she wanted to put in the box so she decided she'd get a head start on it and work for an hour and then sleep.  That was Wednesday night.  She saw him Thursday, saw him drive off to work that afternoon.  She went to bed that night and her mom woke her up at 6am Friday morning telling her the news.  She still had all the stuff she found in a pile on her bedroom floor.  She'd found letters, birthday cards, silly little gifts from the .25 machine at the corner grocery store, years of pictures of camping trips, funny moments, coming-of-age (blackmail) moments, and just really cute pictures their parents took of them.  Costume jewelry, clothes left over from sleep overs, and some stuff she didn't even know what the heck it was. She hopped on the bed and sat the box in the middle of the bed.  "I know he was very excited about that box you guys were working on.  He wanted to make a surprise for you but I have no idea if he got to finish it."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Alice looked at the outside of the box.  It was the size of the tv that G had gotten for Christmas.  He didn't like to throw boxes away in case he needed them for something.  They found it tucked in the back of the closet and decided to revive it.  In the few months they had it, they had spent hours cutting up pictures and decorating it.  She didn't want to open it yet.  Slowly, she opened up the box.  there was a notebook inside.  She didn't recognize it.  She picked it up and just stared at for what seemed like 5 years until she opened it.  It was filled with journal entries, pictures, and a whole bunch of stuff.  The first page caught her eye.  It was dated from the year before they even started this project.  It actually started on the day of her birthday, May 15th, 2007.  It read:

Dear Alice,
Why, happy birthday, my bestest friend in the whole wide world!  I had so much fun hanging out with you today.  When I got to your house you were still asleep, so of course I took some pictures to blackmail you with.  Then I kissed your cheek and went downstairs to chill with your family until you woke up.  When you finally decided to grace us with your presence, we all had a blast eating birthday breakfast, opening presents and then off to the ranch to ride horses.  This notebook is the start of my love for you, the way I want our life to be, and my hopes and dreams for us.  I know that you won't get freaked.  I got this idea from you.  You are truly an amazing woman, Alice, and I feel priveliged to be your best friend.
Love,
G.

As her eyes finished reading the entry, they filled with humungous tears.  She could not even believe she had no idea about this journal, or that he took so much time and effort.  And secretly, she had started the same thing on his birthday.  Now she understood why he didn't want to throw anything out.  He was saving everything.  It was actually kind of driving her nuts.  There were reciepts from places they went, movie ticket stubs... pretty much everything they had done together.  She closed the book and put it back in the box.  She closed up the box.  Her mom and Sharon both looked at her.  It was like she had seen a ghost.  "Oh my gosh," Alice's mom, Emalee, exclamed.  "What was in that box?  Are you okay?"  Alice just shook her head and laid down on the bed.  Emalee ran to her daughter's side.  Alice could feel the tears start to fall down her cheeks and at that moment all she wanted to do was crawl underneath the covers and never come out.  She couldn't find her voice to speak.  All she could do was shake her head and cry.  "Is it okay if I open the box?"  Alice nodded a meager nod and pulled the covers all the way up.  Sharon and Emalee both climbed on the bed and stared at the box like it was the flesh eating virus.  Slowly, Emalee opened up the box and saw the notebook.  She pulled it up out of the box and sat it on her lap.  She opened it up to the first page and read half of it before she closed it and started bawling herself.

"What the heck is going on with you two?" Sharon asked.  She opened the box and found the notebook.  "what's this?"
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Emalee said in between sobs.  Sharon opened the notebook and saw her son's handwriting.  That is all it took before she joined in with the sobbing.  The sound carried throughout the whole entire house.  The sound brought in Ralph from the living room.  "what in the heck is going on here?"  "Oh, nothing a 2 hour sob session couldn't cure," Sharon said.  "well I got the kleenex."

After a while the crying stopped.  All three women were completely exhausted and just laid on the bed, calming down.  Alice came out of the covers.  "Ahhh fresh air," she said, breathing in the air from the room.  "Oh, hi sweetie," Sharon whispered. "How are you feeling?"  "I feel like my face got sat on by a 500 pound sumo wrestler," Alice said, laughing.  She caught herself and clapped her hands over her mouth.  "I am so sorry, Sharon."
"why?"
"because I shouldn't be laughing right now.  I should be crying my eyes out for the rest of my life!!!"
"what are you talking about? I promise you aren't doing anything wrong."

Alice looked at her with weepy puppy dog eyes.  "Really? you promise?"

"Yes, I promise. G loved to hear you laugh.  It's okay to smile, laugh, hell even just be normal."
"But he JUST died.  The funeral is tomorrow.  He's not even in the ground yet and I'm over here laughing and making jokes?  I am a horrible person and the worst best friend ever in the history of bad best friends. Excuse me."

She climbed over her mom who had passed out from crying and hadn't yet woken up.  Sharon let her go, but kept an eye out for where she went just in case.  Alice went out the door to the front porch.  She just sat there and stared out to the neighborhood, everyone going on with their lives, doing the best they could to put on a brave face.  But G and Alice weren't just their parents' children, they were everyone's children.  Alice just watched them all.  Mrs Avery was putting clothes on the line, Mr Jenson was mowing his lawn.  She couldn't take it anymore.  She walked from the front to the back yard, soaking in the spring time sun.  She knew she'd be safe in the backyard. They had a fence and a big, beautiful oak trees that gave much needed shade in the summertime.  There was a small vegetable garden and a swingset with two huge tire swings that they would swing on.  She sat on the tire swing and just stared at the other one, so lifeless.  It wasn't the same.  It would never be the same.
All of a sudden, a huge breeze came through, and the empty swing started to move.  She felt a warmness all around her.  "It's okay," a voice whispered in her ear.  She turned around but of course there was no one there.  Just the warmness remained.  She felt better.  She still felt like hell, but somehow she knew it would be okay.
She opened the backdoor screen and came inside.  Sharon and Emalee were in the kitchen, talking.  "Hello my love," Emalee said and put an arm around Alice. "I think this might have been a bad idea.  We haven't even had the funeral yet and we're going through all his stuff."
"It's okay, mom.  I wanted to get it over with.  But I can't.  Not yet."
"It's okay to feel that way, sweets," Sharon said.  "We're not going anywhere so if you need some time it's okay.  I'll make sure to keep the important stuff for you."
"Stuff is just stuff.  It won't bring him back," Alice said as a tear fell down her cheek.  "I'm just so bummed.  My heart is broken."