4:09pm
Man oh man, what a night. I saw Ryan last night and ended up staying over there. I am exhausted because I hardly slept. Today there's some weird rash-like thing on my neck and Brian asked if it was a hickey. Honestly, I have no freakin' idea if it's a hickey and I don't care. In a way I wanted to say yes it was so Brian would break up with me so I could go to Chicago by myself. The thing that sucks is that even if Brian and I did break up, I'd still have to leave. So I guess meeting Ryan was supposed to mean something but right now I have no idea what. All I know is that I am really enjoying him and we have fun together. We have like a kajillion things in common. And then some things we don't. I do care about him and his feelings. We didn't have intercourse last night, but we did do other stuff. We went for a swim and of course we made out. After a while it got cold so we snuggled up on the couch. We couldn't really fit so he suggested cuddling somewhere else. But that I shouldn't get the "wrong idea." We sat out on the dock for a while then-- {this part taken out because I'd rather cut myself then take an alcohol bath than look people that I know in the eye after they get to this part}.
I don't think I'll see him again till the end of the week. It will probably be the last time time I see him, at least for now. I totally did not expect any of this to happen. Who knows if we would have even worked out if we were given a fair chance. That and knowing there's always the chance of never seeing him again is I guess what makes it easier to follow my feelings instead of trying to deny them. {more things I'm not comfortable sharing}.
Man... I am exhausted. I hope I hear from Ryan soon. He's prolly asleep. It was so nice to wake up to him this morning.
4:49pm
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