after 1am
Holy hell I am tired. I need to go to bed soon. I'm kind of excited but scared at the same time. I just don't want any problems. So... I'm thinking that by May 1st I'll have everything finished. I "bit off more than I could chew" so to speak and I'm really paying for it now. Just because there's so much stuff I want to put in. I know you don't mind about how much time I take, but I do! I just want to finish it all, it's a lot but a lot of it is really cool I think. Anyhow, I love your idea. I know we talked about this before, but I wanna go there and write what happened, what didn't happen, what almost happened, what would have happened "if...", and what I wanted to have happen. The two main boys of course are G and Cory. But I'm not gonna worry about it till tomorrow after I get home cuz I am so exhausted. I loved this day though. I had so much fun. I needed to go to the beach and I'm so glad that we got to go. I was a little worried that we weren't gonna get to do everything but we did (yay).
Oh, for the jars, here's what I was thinking. We could decorate the jars to make them our own. And whenever we hang out together, whatever we find there we put in. It'll be cool because it will be decoration for our future houses. I'll keep yours with me just in case people try to throw it out. It'll be like a memory jar type thing. Anywho, I am so laying down. I'm waking up at 8 and I got half an hour to get my lazy ass to sleep. Well, after I rub my boyfriend's feet.
I dunno what to tell you about David. I am going to say something that might make you mad, but I say it purely out of love. You and David got married too fast. You really didn't get a chance to know "the real him" before moving to Ohio. But even though you and he were both very young, you guys fell in love with each other. And it was out of love for him that you took a chance. But it wasn't exactly the best situation for either of you. You were living with Brenda who is sick in the head, and Sara was just beginning to get to you. You didn't leave because you wanted to, you left because if you didn't, you were slowly going to die. It was the first grownup decision you had made. And this was his chance to be a man and take care of his business before coming down there but he didn't because he couldn't just believe in you and have faith in you. He is still young at heart. This isn't your mess. He had a child and lived in Ohio. This was his ongoing mess that you just couldn't get away from. If he gives up, it's all over for him. You can only do so much but you can't fight his battles for him. You can be there for him but that's all you can do. If this is what he's choosing, you have 2 options. You can let him give up, or you can call Winter yourself just to let her know ur still there for her. If you keep doing that enough, it'll show Sara that she can't just ignore this. If David has given up, don't let one bitch decide your fate. Don't be obsessive. Just call once a day every day. Don't even say why you're calling. Just say, "Oh I miss my stepdaughter so I just wanted to check in." You document it yourself. And if David sees that you're getting somewhere, he'll have more faith. Otherwise, if you leave it all up to him, his stubbornness will cost him his daughter. At least calling for Winter everyday (or every couple of days) shows that someone out there cares. I know you're sick of fighting his battles, but think of who you're fighting it for.
Alright, I gotta go before I pass out.
Love,
me
1:42am
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