10:30am
Blah good morning. People keep calling my phone so I’m up. I’m gonna start shutting it off at night. I don’t even hear it ring I just hear the beep beep beep of a missed call and ugh. My eye also hurts and it’s freaking me out because they already think I have glaucoma and eye pain is a sign of that. Oh and I have to work today. Boooo! Well, I’m going to bring the nbs so if I get bored, I can write. I always feel like I’m going to get yelled at though or like someone might try to read this. But I’m going to bring it anyway and hope for the best. It’s only 4 hours. Oh, and I get paid today. Not much but money. So Saturday I’m going to Big Lots to look at bathroom stuff--no not to see Dan. (But, I will look awesome and if he is there, he can eat his heart out. Boo yea). Anyway, then I think my dad and I are going to go to Oktoberfest! We only go to get bratwurst and beer, and he has friends he sees there. If I’m lucky, we’ll miss the chicken dance cuz he always makes me do it. Lol! I love not working on Saturdays! I’m happy to have tomorrow and Saturday off. Grrrr, I guess I should return my phone calls and get ready for work. Oh damn. Sara told me she told Winter her dad is dead to her. Eek I don’t know, this whole situation is sad to me. Winter is being so cheated in life. She deserved so much more than this. She’s 8 years old and both her parents are crazy. her whole family is crazy to be honest. Why couldn’t she have been mine? I am really feeling like weeping over it. Brb--shower. Ok, back. I can’t wait for my glasses to come in. I will not have scratches on them and I can see. Grrrr YouTube, Pandora, Facebook, Twitter, LJ, all of you are annoying me. I thought my shower would help with my eye, but no it didn’t. I’m gonna get lunch at the mall before I go into work. I will have just enough time provided the bus is on time and not crowded. God I hate when it’s crowded with all those obnoxious teens! I feel like I’m still being judged and laughed at like in high school. I know, weird. But I can’t help it. Alright I think I’ll go now.
<3,
star
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4:36pm
I’ve only been here for 1 ½ hr and I’m a busy bee! My first customer was a man who wanted credit so I was trying to do that and I kept having to call the credit line, and it wouldn’t work on the Sears phone, so I had to use my cell phone. Well then. THAT kept disconnecting and just ugh I finally got it all to work. In the meantime, people are calling me for breaks. I’m lucky the customer was so patient. Richard was just talking to me and Kurt got mad. He says he doesn’t like Richard, but he doesn’t say why. Um, I’m too young for both of them sooooo wtf? He gets mad when I even hug Richard. Ugh men piss me off. Anyway, Eric came into Sears and was telling me I need to come back out to karaoke so I explained to him why I don’t go. He was like “yea I hear you and Melissa aren’t friends, and you and Erin.” I told him I was ok with Melissa, just not friends. I started to say something about not being friends with Erin and he was like “it’s ok, no one can stand her.” I was like, wow. Idk, I mean I’m not surprised but yet I am. That’s pretty sad. But whateverrrrrs. Moving on… I’m glad to be home. I had a nice dinner with my dad and then I helped him carry recycle and garbage out. Then, I had some pinot grigio while we toyed around in the golf cart. Then, I finally sat down. *sigh* Now Melissa wants to be startin’ drama. Wtf? I guess she got on Adam’s last nerve so he told her how he felt and she was like, “I’m not talking to you until you feel like talking to me. I am distracted easily and my stress and anxiety…” (I forgot what she said in that part but I think it was like “...are hard to deal with”) and then she goes “you’re beginning to act like Chelsea… bye.” I mean WTF IS THAT? First of all, we don’t even talk anymore. Second of all, I thought we got our shit straight but now the lil bitch wants to run her mouth? Um no. You know I suspect she sent me that email on FB to see what I’d say about Erin. Well, now she wants to be a little nasty bitch. I’m tired of her using her fucking “anxiety” as a crutch and an excuse. Fuck you, you don’t even know anxiety until you’re in the middle of the mall shaking and crying because you don’t know where you are! In the same mall you grew up in! And that happened to me this summer. Anyway, so I text her and I’m like “I’m not starting a war or drama with you. All I wanna say is that I would appreciate that in the future when you have a disagreement with someone, you keep me out of it despite your opinion of me. Thanks a bunch!” So she texts me back and says “Ok I will not even think your name.” I was like, “That’s not the point. I thought we came to an understanding. I donno. Have a great life, though.” To which I received no reply, which is probably for the better. Her response struck me as snotty though. Well here’s EVERYTHING between her and I in a nutshell:
{Melissa Dooley August 26th at 1:53pm
I’m not getting in the middle of things. Just wondering if you and Erin solved the problem between you two. Yesterday I was forced to remember life can take anyone when you least expect it. So talk it out. I know yall will, just remember don’t hold this for too long especially if it’s something stupid. just words of wisdom. Life’s short. If yall already talked then I’m glad. I don’t like you girls fighting. On a distracting you from what I just said… how you doin?
Chelsea Loomis Sims August 26th at 2:13pm
Um I sent her a message trying to explain myself and apparently she feels that it made things worse so now *I* have to call her. Sorry, but no. I did my part. she feels like it made it worse and didn’t get resolved then I don’t know what to tell her. I know you care, so thank you. then she left a status on fb about how she has to act the way she should instead of the way she is which to me says she’d rather make people feel like shit the way she does to me all the time. I don’t need that in my life. I have let far too many people treat me that way. You’re right about one thing, life is too short. It’s too short for me to be upset all the time and bottle shit up because Erin can’t handle the fact that maybe she makes people feel like crap at times. I’ve taken responsibility for my part. She refuses to do the same--not my problem anymore.
Other than that I’m fine. how are you?}
Obviously, this is when Erin and i got into that first fight at Brogues. It irked me that she was “not getting in the middle of things,” especially when you read the rest of this message thread, which would not all fit on this page because I wrote too much. Lmao. I’m just looking for validation I guess but ugh it’s nice to get it out. I know I don’t need to have you validate me, it’s just… yea. Nice to get it all out finally, you know? Fuckin flies!
{MD
ugh. talk in person.
CLS:
If we talk in person we’re just going to end up having a bigger fight. i’m not doing that to myself anymore. if you don’t agree with it, then I’m sorry to hear that.
MD:
well she wants an apology… i don’t know. i said i am not in the middle of this. just end it if it was something stupid that’s all. work it out. and do it soon because it was probably not worth getting angry about in the first place. forgive and forget at least this time. apologize and i know it would end instantly. luv ya. ;-* good luck.
CLS:
well I was just telling you in a rather lengthy message that i sent her a message that i worked very hard on. it had an apology in it as well as an explanation with why things happened in the first place. i love how you make this seem like it’s all me. have fun being friends with erin since clearly shes your new best friend. we’ll see how you deal with it.
MD:
Alright i surrender. just all are good friends trying to help. i am done. i am on no one’s side. talk to you later.}
I lost what I wrote to Erin, but this isn’t about Erin lmao so.
{CLS August 30th at 10:29pm:
do whatever you want melissa. I noticed how you took the time to tell me you’re closer to erin now. that’s great yeehaw what am i suppose to do feel jealous? i don’t care. honestly, we’ve been drifting a long time because i get so tired of your comments to me. i say one negative thing you’re all over my back. i know u try to be positive and u try to have good intentions but sometimes you just don’t fucking get it. you have a way of making me feel like everything i say is wrong. then when I try to give you some positive light you bite my freaking head off and get all frustrated and idk what the hell. so yea I don’t see a place for our friendship. and i don’t really go out with you guys anymore because i’m sick of drama and I don’t really want to hang out. i’m making new friends and hanging out with different people and growing up. so have fun with your new friends and “getting close” to erin maybe that’s why you “didn’t get in the middle of things.}
See, I somehow lost what Melissa wrote to me first in this regard? But she just sends me a “you took me off your facebook” subject but it’s blank so that’s where I wrote back. But she was upset because she said the word “bye” hard. I was just tellin her it’s all in how she takes it. I was trying to give her a positive way to think about it and she goes “ugh I just won’t even update anymore.” I was like, dude WHO ARE YOU? I don’t even know you anymore. And she goes off on me in a messages and tells me “well Erin and I have been getting closer since you aren’t in the car riding places with us anymore.” I was like, “Um, ok? and then?” Lol.
{MD Sept 19th, 2010
I called a psychologist. You called me on not being the girl I used to be. It’s true. I’m not the same girl anymore. Ever since my first time having a panic attack, my emotions have NOT been contained. I finally have admitted defeat over thinking I am happy the way things have been. I’m depressed. I didn’t want to say the word depressed, ugh. WHY AM I TELLING YOU THIS….? b/c I caused drama between us. I don’t cause drama. I just want to apologize for everything that’s made me make you annoyed with me. I do wish you could have communicated to me you didn’t like me commenting on your status on facebook. I cared too much. But it’s still my fault b/c I haven’t had the kind of drama you’ve had. I have a lot to learn. I am still just a girl. You’re more of a woman. I just wanted to let you know… b/c you deserve an apology. I genuinely feel like I’ve been stupid and niiave. Well I hope all is well with you. Friends or not, luvs ya anyways, lata.
CLS Sept 21st, 2010
It’s not that I didn’t like what you had to say because I know you had good intentions and want me to think positively but every time i was upset about something you made it seem so small and petty and it was all the time. Then I tried to do the same thing for you and you got mad. then you wrote me this big long message and told me how close you and Erin were getting like you were trying to spite me. I just didn’t get you anymore. i was fine until erin then showed me your fb status about how I cause drama and i’m never going to be happy etc etc and I have to say that I’m getting pretty sick of people thinking I’m the cause of drama. you know what? i’m not. yes I have it in my life and it has been rough but clearly none of my friends know me otherwise they would know i truly don’t cause drama. most of the time i try to steer clear of it but i hang out with a lot of people who are really into drama so of course it looks like i’m the same way. since i am no longer friends with erin i have been 100 times happier and positive. i love that girl so damn much and i know she hates me right now. she feels like i’ve wronged her but she doesn’t stop to think about why and how and what. she never asks she just assumes and i’m sick of my life being that way. i just want her to be happy and if that means us not being friends then so be it. same for you. i just want you to be happy but if we bring each other down that can’t happen. i hated seeing you in the place you were in because you deserve sooo much more. i know how hard anxiety is. i had a panic attack just yesterday and it drained me physically, emotionally and mentally. i am sorry for hurting you also Mel. I wish life didn’t have to be so hard sometimes but since it is we have to count every blessing we have and work with what we do have that is good. i think you are getting there and i am proud of you for it. luvs ya too. no matter what.
MD:
:-) Fair enough.}
SO, this is what she sends me like a month later, and now this shit. Idk what game she’s playing but she’s going backwards. Middle school was over 12 years ago! GROW UP BITCH! More tomorrow!
<3,
star
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