Listening to James Blunt “You’re Beautiful.” Any James Blunt song reminds me of my brother. I was babysitting Riley once and went on Rory and Traci’s computer and Rory had all of James Blunt songs so, ever since--I think of Rory when I hear James Blunt.
I’m kind of sad. I’m a generally a happy, bubbly person. I use FB as an outlet. I know I’ve been through a lot, and I don’t think anyone gets that. I don’t try to throw myself a pity party. I really don’t. I do get sick of the negativity too. But I wish people could walk in my shoes for one day and see what it’s like to be me, how frustrating! I don’t know how I can explain how hard it is to get up every day knowing that even if I put a smile on my face and a positive attitude on, something is going to bring me down. I don’t want to be that way, I don’t want things to get to me, and I always try to keep going. Sometimes though, I don’t get how to keep going. The small things just build up, and up and up and then everything I’ve been through just hits me in the face. So when people make comments about me throwing myself a pity party--what do I do? I just want people to get me. And so few do. I’m the only one I know who can manage to have one bad thing after another happen continuously, and go home and feel continuously incompetent. I feel incompetent in everything. Work, relationships, both familial, friendly, and intimate. I fail at everything.
Sorry about all that. I just had to get it off my chest. Well, it’s 4:30am and I’m going to go to bed now. Erin and I will likely just watch SATC and chat. I hope David comes over for the courthouse crap. Then pix w/ Erin, takin’ her home, and chores both tomorrow and Friday. =( plus packing. Alright, tomorrow I’m going to do dream interpretation. Here’s to hoping I remember.
Sweet Dreams!!
<3, me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, 8/12/10
1:49pm
Well, fuck nuts is not here yet. I hate him all over again. How hard is it to just get this shit over with? I hate that everything is so easy for him. He uses the whole “I have to do this and that at my new place” as an excuse to shirk his other priorities. Well he never fuckin’ did that for me! What makes Jessica so fucking special, you know? *I* took care of David and his family. Jes is so proud of David and how he’s getting *their* life together. Don’t get me wrong, because Jes is nice--I’m really not trying to be a bitch to her. However, she got the life with David I deserved. What I really mean is, she and Sara got the David who worked hard to make a life for his family. I’m not really sure what David I got, but it wasn’t that one. Jes also calls him her future husband and I want to laugh. Puh-lease.
Now onto GOOD things!
In part of my dream last night, I dreamt that I was driving. Cars kept coming at me in my lane but I calmly moved out of the way and kept going. I was happy and singing and not scared at all. It’s weird because I have a lot of driving dreams and in them, I always can’t control the car and I’m feeling panicked.
Driving
--------
Symbolizes the direction you are going. Are you in control? Are you lost? Did you get into an accident? Pay attention to how you drive and where you are going for clues about the path you are currently taking in your life. {In this dream, I think it represents you being in control of your life and what you’d like to see for your future self in driving, being happy and just listening to music and not being scared}. 12/9/13
Car
-----
Well it basically just says a car signifies where you are going and how you are getting there.
All I know is, I was on a highway type road but in country-like area. The edges of the overpass had dirt and grass and the road was unpaved. I am mystified.
<3,
me
No comments:
Post a Comment